WAKE COUNTY, North Carolina (WTVD) --April 9, 2014, is a day that will be forever ingrained in Wake County resident LaTonya Allen's head. It's the day her ex-husband murdered her parents.
On Feb. 27, Nathan Holden was found guilty of the first-degree murder of 57-year-old Angelia Smith Taylor and 66-year-old Sylvester Taylor.
READ MORE: Jury finds Wake County man who killed in-laws, shot wife, guilty of first-degree murder
Now that the trial is over, Allen said it's time for her to finally grieve the death of her parents.
"It's was just a big relief like a weight was lifted off my shoulder," Allen said. "And I was like now it's time for me to grieve, now I can grieve my parents because everything has been up in the air, and it was like no closure and so now I have closure."
Even though the trial has ended and closure has begun, Allen said she still questions why this happened.
"Why? We didn't deserve this, my parents didn't deserve this, I didn't, my family didn't deserve this, my children... And it's always been a question of 'why did this happen?' Why did it have to go to this extreme? What did I do wrong?"
Sunday was the third anniversary of her parent's death, a day Allen said will always be hard for her.
"It was hard for me reliving that again and just grieving. It's been three years... I really miss my mother. I really miss my father as well but that motherly love, that connection, she was my best friend and to not be able to pick up the phone and call her and say 'I love you, I miss you, or this is what I'm doing now, or are you proud of me, this is what the kids are doing...' I like really, really miss my mother... Not being able to talk to her, I have to go to a gravesite to visit her, and I just truly miss them so much."
Allen said the day her ex-husband killed her parents will always be a memory but she won't let it affect her future self.
"April 9, 2014, doesn't define me," Allen said. "It doesn't end there. There's more to me than just what I survived and what I went through."
Allen said her husband Jamar has been the biggest help through her tough time.
"He's been my biggest supporter helping not only me but the kids as well. (He's been) helping me move forward from that day and enjoying the rest of my life and finding out who I am and giving me that freedom and that support to find out who Tonya is."
She said her children now 18, 12, and 11, miss their grandparents but said they're ready to move on and continue their education and extracurricular activities.
She said her oldest son even wants to have a relationship with his father someday.
"He does want a relationship with his father and his father's side of the family, so we're trying, through therapy, to move to that next step, so I'm proud of him."
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Allen said she thinks her other two children will be ready at some point but feels it may be a while for her youngest child who actually witnessed her mother's murder.
Allen said her heart goes out to Candice Freeman, the Fayetteville mother who recently lost her two children.
"I love you. I can say that I understand and so many people are praying for you. Don't give up, keep fighting. You have a purpose, God has a purpose for your life."
READ MORE: 2 missing Fayetteville children found stabbed to death in Hoke County
But Allen said it's situations like these that make her want to make a change.
"We have to start speaking out about domestic violence, so many women are living in silence and that's why I want to build up women's confidence and encourage (them) to speak out."
Allen said she plans to give back to her church, community, and to victims of domestic violence to honor her parents.
To report domestic violence you can do so online or by calling 1-800-799-7133.
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