Kimmel 'coaches' Sean Penn, Eddie Redmayne, Susan Sarandon and more

"Every moment in which you aren't acting is a moment that you are dying."

But some actors probably feared for their lives when they joined the The Kimmel School of Perfect Acting.

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Kimmel's intense methods were highlighted during his post-Oscars show. A giant roster of celebrity guests, including Gary Oldman, Lupita Nyong'o and Benedict Cumberbatch, join the two-part segment in which they take "lessons" from Kimmel and explain why he is a legendary coach.

"When someone lights your script on fire and duct tapes it to your hands," Jeff Bridges muses, "you're going to find a way to say your lines."

"Frozen" star Kristen Bell fights back tears as Kimmel tells her he hated the Disney classic, in an effort to teach her not to listen to the critics.

"Jim makes you face your worst fear," she says, "which is usually him."

Kimmel throws a bottle at a doe-eyed Eddie Redmayne, lets Jennifer Anniston fall to the ground and instructs Susan Sarandon to fill a cup with her tears.

He didn't stop there. In part two, he assaults Sean Penn with a noodle, forces Matt Damon to embody a chair, and convinces his neighbors John Krasinski and Emily Blunt that they are not married, after all.

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"Jim" Kimmel concludes by explaining -- in dramatic monologue form, of course -- why he does what he does.

"I believe that men were put upon this stage we audaciously call Earth to fill gaps between breaths with insolence, to enter, to exit, to speak our truth, to play our parts, a baby's role being to suckle its mother; a boy's role to run, to play; the lover, his hot pipe pulsing; the warrior, what battle do ... This is what I believe. This is what I leave behind."

If you can decipher that, it answers everything. Everything that is, except ... when will Matt Damon be allowed to play a person?

Check out another popular clip from the show, including people pretending to have seen Oscar-winning films, on Kimmel's YouTube page.